"From now on, I'm committing to a total lack of commitment. And I intend to approach it with the same zeal with which I have approached every other commitment in my life."
His failure to commit to committing to nothing shortly led him to commit to everything, and soon he was chairing meetings, buying houses, getting engaged and taking up hobbies. He was depressed by his failure and resolved to try harder, but he couldn't and quickly began throwing himself with gusto into wedding plans and discussions about potential baby names. His bride was delighted, and basked in her fiancee's pitiful shortcomings, rubbing unneeded salt into his wounds by showing him off to all her friends and talking at length about all the somethings he had committed to, and never touching on all the things he had succeeded in failing to commit to; he had not had an affair; he had not left the seat up; he had not mastered card counting. Finally, he could stand the charade no longer. Without telling anyone of his plans, he secretly decided he would commit to everything. This daring game of reverse psychology was met with resounding success. The hobbies were gone, wedding plans scrapped, mortgages cancelled. His bride was shocked by this sudden, terrifying transformation - as were psychologists who, unaware of his secret plan to commit to everything, genuinely believed he had succeeded in committing to nothing. Papers were published, biographies discussed, world tours planned - but he failed to make a decision and refused to commit. This just drove the media even crazier, was there nothing this man could fail in not committing to? He became a hero overnight.
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